Thanks to the wonder of the Internet, A Goodnight Sleepstore brings you this profoundly unprofound collection of weird things people have decided to do with, to, and about their mattresses.

Use them as a bank

What do you get when you combine a kid in a candy store with an under-furniture stash of cash? The worst or best day ever, depending on your perspective. Last year, an arguably brilliant 9-year-old boy made some shopkeeper’s day when he spent almost $4000 in a candy store. Where did he get the cash? Home sweet home. Okay, so this was actually a sofa, but SO MANY MORE PEOPLE stash their cash between the layers of their bed than under their couch. Before you start making your mattress multitask, be sure to consider financial security, interest, and underage expenditure.

Run over them with a truck

It’s an urban legend in the making, but the pictures prove that someone clearly made a bad bedding decision. The typical tale tells of a blonde woman who saw a mattress in the road, decided to go right over it, and drove until the springs wrapped around her undercarriage punctured her gas tank. The amazing thing is, this might have actually happened – only to a man, in a truck, and the gas tank part was probably an embellishment.

Make jokes about them

A man walked into a mattress store and said to the sleep specialist, “I’m in the market for a new bed.” “Certaintly! Would you like a spring mattress?” inquired the expert in cozy comfort. “No way,” said the customer about to learn a few things, “I need to use it all year!” The only thing better/worse than a bad mattress joke is a bad mattress pun.

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